Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
