so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
