Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
