Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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