I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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