you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
