saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
