First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
