When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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