My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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