I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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