I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
