It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
