i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't turn off my feet"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
