I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
