Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
