I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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