Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
