Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize