I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
