I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
