I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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