First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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