she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
