I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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