If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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