everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
