can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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