I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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