Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
