I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
