Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
