You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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