Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
