TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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