help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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