hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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