so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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