i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
