I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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