He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why do cheetos always look like penises
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
