We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
