I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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