I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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