I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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