i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you would pick up someone in the library
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
