And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
