she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
