I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
