I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
