I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
