i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
