i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
